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FML - Fuck my life.

DoGMeaT

Son yazan: DoGMeaT
yeri: İnternet

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Öne çıkan mesajlar

DoGMeaT Grand Master

DoGMeaT

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
Sitenin olayı,kullanıcılar hayatlarının ne kadar kötü olduğunu kanıtlayan küçük anektodlar veriyor,çok acayip şeyler var.
kitlendim bayadır okuyorum.

said:
Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML


Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

Today, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I called all my family members to invite them over this evening because I had some very important news for them that could not wait. They all declined the invite. When I asked why, they said they were going to my cousins to watch his new TV. FML




http://www.fmylife.com/
Armentum Apprentice

Armentum

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, my dad got really drunk. When I was about to go to bed, he was just coming out of the bathroom, he was fully naked, I immediately turned away and said "Okay Dad, time for bed". Thinking that I was my mum, he replied with "That's right bitch, I'm your daddy, I'll show you in bed". FML
Stifler Proficient

Stifler

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML


uvv.
Stifler Proficient

Stifler

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML


AHAHAHAHA
Denn Enthusiast

Denn

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML


omg.
Stifler Proficient

Stifler

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML


EPIC FAIL
Masquerade Grand Master

Masquerade

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
Stifler said:
said:
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML


AHAHAHAHA

AHAHHAA
roket adam Grand Master

roket adam

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
Anneye gel;
said:
Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML
Saeros Grand Master

Saeros

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML


nasıl ya ahah
Masteis Experienced

Masteis

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, my 5 year old daughter asked me what porn is. Lying to her, I said that porn is what adults call very sad movies. That night we watched Click. Later, she proceeded to tell her kindergarten teacher that she watched porn with her Daddy. FML
Silphatos Grand Master

Silphatos

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
Masteis said:
said:
Today, my 5 year old daughter asked me what porn is. Lying to her, I said that porn is what adults call very sad movies. That night we watched Click. Later, she proceeded to tell her kindergarten teacher that she watched porn with her Daddy. FML


auhsfasduhfasuhfamnbzxcasdxczvm.
roket adam Grand Master

roket adam

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
Masteis said:
said:
Today, my 5 year old daughter asked me what porn is. Lying to her, I said that porn is what adults call very sad movies. That night we watched Click. Later, she proceeded to tell her kindergarten teacher that she watched porn with her Daddy. FML

ahaahahaha
tunch Veteran

tunch

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then proceeds to respond, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
pascalnouman Grand Master

pascalnouman

Mesaj tarihi:
Mesaj tarihi:
said:
Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML


ouch!
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