[ingilizce] Ytseden denemeler... Free of You.

[Ytse]

Is it retribution to seclude oneself in oblivion of thoughts and questions, about ifs and whys of the past, in the sheer ocean of regret and remorse of the present? There is really no way to be truly forgiven is there? Do I even want to be forgiven if it means to forgive you…?
This, I want you to know before anything you say to me that every dream I had ever since has been about that day when you left, tormented by my own mind, until the day you finally left my consciousness.
You smiled and cherished a future without me, while I reminiscence and curse the happiness of the past you’ve given me; a past with memories of you that I needed the strength from to be finally free of you. Completely and utterly… Free of you…


Yet why is this sudden drift of emotions when I hear you call my name after all that time without you. The rushing tides of happiness in an ocean of oblivion, where I’ve been at the bottom all this time, comfortably cold and lonely.

The truth is, even writing these words show much you reign over me still, without you even noticing the thunders created in me by the ripples of your soft whispers.

I know the only way out of this downward spiral called thinking of you. But I cannot look up to the future and bring myself to shred the memories you’ve bestowed upon me, not before I say my final words to you… That you were just an ordinary person, turned into an extraordinary being by my own perception of perfection. Nothing else but a fake.