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THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING in 5 Minutes


HellHound

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THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING in 5 Minutes:

Frodo: Hi, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo: Okay. Bye!
Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.
Frodo: Doo-de-do.
Nazgul: Boo!
Frodo: Eeeek!
Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek!
Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!
Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!
Frodo: No time for you, weirdo.
Tom Bombadil: (disappears)
Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and
write "Bad," and I'm all set.
Gandalf: I never saw that coming.
Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war
machinery which were in plain sight.
Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower
without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from
rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait.
Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile.
Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right?
Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right?
Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring.(laughs)It's okay, I'll save you.
Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet?
Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm.
Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names -
Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too.
Strider: Go away, bad men!
Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger!
Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry: That was easy.
Pippin: Don't knock it.
Sam: Elves are cool!
Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble.
Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here!
Legolas: Same for me!
Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now.
Gandalf: But I just got here.
Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not
because I have larceny on my mind. Nope.
Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so-
Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from?
Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top?
Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines.
Strider: Let the dwarf have his way.
Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door.
Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.
Boromir: What a bunch of dicks.
Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF]
Sam: Such magic.
Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here!
Gimli: Boo hoo.
Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!
Gandalf: Twit.
Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it
is to keep an army fed in these abandoned mines?
Boromir: (Slash)
Legolas: (Pfft)
Gimli: (Whack)
Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship.
Frodo: Ouch!
Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed!
Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick while
I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh?
Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off.
Gandalf: We are so doomed.
Strider: Not if we run away! (does so)
Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows)
Hobbits: (already in the lead)
Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon!
Legolas: We don't have to...
Gimli: ...we just have to outrun *you*.
Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard.
(drags Gandalf down with him)
Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen!
Frodo: I'm over it.
Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.
Legolas: Wondrous are these woods!
Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves.
Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate.
Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves.
Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time?
Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.
Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you
babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water.
Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be!
Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring.
Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions.
Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it.
Celeborn: Check-out time!
Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down-
Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough.
Legolas: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.
Boromir: Give me the ring.
Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also
apparently teleports me away from your clutches.
Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I
can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack)
Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in
the world.
Sam: Works for me. (they leave)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically)
Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys, we're dead
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bu da ikincisi

THE TWO TOWERS in 2 minutes

Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard.
Gandalf: This time I get my revenge. (kicks the shit out of him)
Frodo: We're stuck in this harsh place and there's no one to show us the road.
Gollum: My prrrecious.
Sam: Leave my master!
Frodo: Now I've tamed him. This filthy creature babbling nonsense all the time with an obsessive desire for my Ring shall be our guide.
Aragorn: (looks cool) Mh, Orcs are near.
Legolas: (looks cool) Yep, I see them in the distance.
Gimli: (looks an idiot) Ouch! (stumbles and falls)
Merry: We shouldn't have leaved the Shire.
Pippin: It does not sound funny.
Orcs: Hungry, hungry, hungry!!!! let's eat the hobbits!
other Orcs: No, you can't. (they start to kill each other)
Rohan riders: Whenever an evil minion says something like "there's no one to save you now", we are compelled to come and slay every living thing we meet.
Saruman: Time to set Rohan on fire and babble something with "the two towers" thrown in.
Theoden: ugh..... ugh..... ugh......
Grima: (hits on Eowyn)
Eowyn: don't touch me.
Grima: Damn. I think I'll toss Eomer out of Rohan.
Aragorn: Hi Eomer. Have you seen my hobbit friends?
Eomer: We killed every living thing we found last night. Go search for their carcass if you will.
Aragorn: From these few straws of grass I understand Merry and Pippin got into Fangorn's forest.
Orc chasing the hobbits: Ah ah, now I want to see if someone arrives when I say that no one will save you.
Treebeard: (tramples the orc and captures Merry and Pippin) There you are. What's up with you?
Pippin: We're hobbits and Saruman is destroying your forest.
Treebeard: Don't be silly, little orc.
Aragorn: In this large and mysterious forest where none of us has been before the one heading toward us is surely Saruman beyond any doubt.
Legolas: (attack the man approaching)
Gimli: (looks like an idiot)
Gandalf: Guess what. I kicked the Balrog's ass and got me a new suit.
Aragorn: Gandalf! you were dead!
Gandalf: And now I'm alive. Ain't life funny?. Let's move to Rohan.
Shadowfax: (comes out of nowhere and the four dudes travel to Rohan)
Theoden: ugh... ugh... ugh....
Gandalf: Vade Retro, Satan.
Theoden: Mh, good to see that I can still talk.
Grima: Uh-oh.
Gandalf: There will be a war.
Theoden: Ok, I'll make all my people go in a place where Saruman will be able to attack me easily.
Gandalf: Your choice. I'm out of here. (Leaves)
Aragorn: You're a quite a babe, Eowyn.
Eowyn: I like this ranger.
Gollum: (Leads the hobbits through the marsch) Follow us and don't follow the lights.
Frodo: (Follows the lights and fall in the water)
Gollum: And according to Sam it's me who can't be trusted.
Frodo: On to the Black Gate
Gollum: I think that now that we made all this road and see how many armies are actually gathering here it's time to say that there was another, safer road.
Frodo: Gandalf, wherever you are, "Don't be too eager to deal out death in judgement" my ass.
Sam: I think I will fall from down here. (falls down a cliff)
Frodo: Why I haven't let you drown in the river? anyway, let's move to the other road.
Smeagol: I'm good. Get out of my way.
Gollum: I'm bad. Get out of my way.
Smeagol: I'm good. Get out of my way.
Gollum: I'm bad. Get out of my way.
(This goes on until Gollum leaves)
Smeagol: yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu!
Smeagol: (again) yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu!
Smeagol: (again and again) yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu! yuhuu!
Faramir: You two are prisoners of mine. (Leads them away)
Sam: Mind that I am Frodo's gardener.
Faramir: Silly hobbits.
Aragorn: Should I stick to Arwen or hit on Eowyn?
Wargs: Groarr, arrrrrh, groarr!!!!! (they attack everyone)
Legolas: Look how elves ride an horse.
Gimli: (even in danger, looks like an idiot)
Aragorn: I think I'll invent the Warg-rodeo. (get stuck on a running Warg and falls down a cliff).
Legolas: Woe to us, Aragorn has fallen!
Theoden: Let's move on.
Grima: Theoden is heading towards Helm's Deep.
Saruman: That would be a perfect trap. If only I had a huge army of Uruk-Hai to attack Helm's Deep. (thinks a while) Mh, aging is a bad thing.
Faramir: Where is that filthy, menacing creature that was with you two?
Sam: He fell down in Moria fighting with a Balrog.
Frodo: Sam, he meant Gollum!
Faramir: Yeah, whatever is his name. Oh, and for the record he's in the forbidden pool and we're gonna shoot him.
Frodo: No, spare him. Since he trusts me I'll convince him to get captured so that he'll loose trust in the only person he was confident in. (He sets up Gollum's capture)
Faramir: Who are you and what are you doing here?
Gollum: (babbles something confusing and unintelligible)
Faramir: So the hobbit bears the One Ring. Damn I'm good at guessing things, but it's no wonder since I already knew of Boromir's death with
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Abi abarmıyorum akşam akşam gülmekten mideme ağrılar girdi hakketen ölüp gidicem nefessizlikten Muhaha abi yarıldım resmen ya[hline]''Eğer o her kimki canavarlarla savaşıyorsa dikkat etmelidir yoksa kendiside bir canavara dönüşebilir. Ve eğer o kişi karanlığın derinliklerine uzun süre bakarsa; karanlık onun kalbinin içine yansır.'' - Friedrich Nietzsche

Bu savaşın tek galipleri kudretli insanlar olmalıdır. Kara Taht İmparatorluğu ve Lordu ElNor Daermon
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En sevdiğim yeri quoteluycamda nereyi quotelayım gülmediğim tek satır yok harbiden gastası oldun yazdırıp odama çerçeveletcem hehehe[hline]''Eğer o her kimki canavarlarla savaşıyorsa dikkat etmelidir yoksa kendiside bir canavara dönüşebilir. Ve eğer o kişi karanlığın derinliklerine uzun süre bakarsa; karanlık onun kalbinin içine yansır.'' - Friedrich Nietzsche

Bu savaşın tek galipleri kudretli insanlar olmalıdır. Kara Taht İmparatorluğu ve Lordu ElNor Daermon
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